Conveniently Disappearing
by QueenNarca
Summary: A collection of short stories of a rather bad humor attempt at Lucius Malfoy's take on his hell spawn and how he became a spectator as Draco destroyed the great individuals of the wizarding world.
1. He Declared Himself the Master

Everyone knew that Draco Malfoy was as nasty and spoiled as any rich poncy brat could be. No one knew that better than Lucius Malfoy though. Lucius had always wanted a son that could get anything he wanted and not care about the devastation left in his path, but even he had not expected Draco to become such a little prat. The boy did what he wanted, said what he wanted, walked all over you, and left you to rot in his shadow without ever lifting a pinky. Draco had simply taken being a bitch to a whole new level that Lucius had previously been unaware of existing.

Lucius began to realize what a monster he was bringing into society when he began receiving letters from his son during Draco's seventh year at Hogwarts. The little brat made it quite clear that he knew he was the only person in the world able to carry on the Malfoy lineage and threatened to disinherit himself if everything didn't go exactly as planned. Lucius had tried defying him and had received an owl within the next hour carrying all the papers withholding a signature for Draco to get rid of the Malfoy name.

He also had to take several hair growth potions. Draco had apparently in his free time taught his eagle owl the perfect way to get what you want, piss off ever living thing in the general vicinity, and disappear without a trace before any living thing had time to retaliate. Lucius had gotten a nice chunk of his hair removed from his head when he had cursed Draco to the ninth level of hell when he received the papers. Upon turning towards the damned owl and firing a rapid killing curse at the creature he had only been met with thin air and a very dead mantel piece. Of course the potion didn't work. For some reason the bloody birds talons had been dipped in a permanent hair removal potion.

Lucius was left cursing Draco as he appreciated and was slightly appalled at his son's use of beauty products as weapons of war.

Lucius had been at war with his son about an arranged marriage for almost a decade. Lucius thought that an arrangement with the Parkinsons would benefit both families and the Parkinson girl while not attractive knew how to act in high society at least. Draco wouldn't have nothing to do with the girl. He ruined any chance of a pure blood high society marriage for the girl by mistakenly mentioning how often the girl changed beds to a few of the more notorious gossip columnist in his spare time.

Lucius knew of his sons treachery. The Parkinson girl was probably an innocent virgin saving herself for marriage like any good pureblood child. Upon sending word to his son that he would not be swayed by Draco's childish lies, he had received an early issue of the French gossip rag featuring his wife and several of her so called concubines as a front page editorial.

Lucius would not be beat and had threatened to rip the newspaper apart financially by the end of the week if they did not destroy any already printed papers. The head of the company had apologized profusely for the mishap. Lucius sent a letter to his son explaining the matter of an arranged marriage to be unarguable. Draco would marry the Parkinson girl or the only inheritance he would receive would be in the eyes of the public. Lucius knew Draco would concede when being faced with the lose of an enormous amount of money.

The next day anyone who read the English wizard gossip column in the Russian Wizard Weekly got the juicy story of Lucius Malfoy and his male lover complete with moving photography. After Lucius loudly and very publicly got an apology from the editor for printing lies, he ripped the newspaper apart financially by the end of the week.

He then had that French gossip rag confirm the story about the Parkinson girl being a slut and gave an interview about how his son and the girls arranged marriage would be dissolved immediately.

Lucius could practically hear his bratty offspring gloating every waking moment before realizing that Draco had probably cursed the parchment of his thank you letter with one of those hideous gloating charms the brat had probably created just to spite him.

By the time his bratty offspring graduated at the top of his class at Hogwarts, Lucius had become accustomed to nodding yes and smiling like a proud father to anything and everything Draco said. He even congratulated him around all the other parents about his spectacular speech that had clearly defined how the world should bow before him in words that left pretty much all of the audience in bewildered confusion. He merely hummed in agreement when Draco hauntingly displayed his need not to shake the Minister of Magic's hand because there was no telling where it had been in order for the Minister to earn his current position .

He watched as his son seemed to disappear into thing air before anyone realized that he had insulted one of the most important men in the wizarding world. All the reports got was that the Minister had gotten increasingly frustrated at an Hogwarts Graduated and had screamed of how he had most certainly not used sexual favors to earn his position at the ministry. Lucius was sure the gossip columns would have moving pictures tomorrow morning.

Lucius wished fondly for the endearing child Draco had been when he was young.

Like when he was only but a year old and therefore could not speak.

Yes, while everyone else in the world knew Draco as a poncy git who was all talk and no action. Lucius Malfoy knew best that by the time Draco got through talking one was probably already in debt with wizards from the opposing side of which ever side of the war Draco favored that morning out for your blood. Draco was all talk and no action because as Draco will tell you, he "is above such common mortal doings such as brawling or heaven forbid a wizard duel." Lucius just thought the little piss ant didn't want to damage his perfect complexion or his latest manicure.


	2. And Then he Chose A Side

-1Lucius had watched from the sidelines as Dumbledore tried to turn his son to the 'light side' of the war during Draco's stay at Hogwarts. He watched quietly as Dumbledore enlisted help trying to turn Draco into a model that could be set for all Slytherins to follow to the 'right' side of the war. Lucius did not even glare at the several times Draco sought out Dumbledore or one of his cronies for questioning. Lucius realized that everyone thought Draco to be a weak willed daddy's boy that could be persuaded for the right price.

So, Lucius while could not exactly deny that Draco could be bought to either side of the war at the right price, he could fondly look back upon the days when Draco was deciding his future and wonder how Draco had managed to live through a war and never really contribute anything but a social and political mess.

During his years at Hogwarts, Draco had drifted between both sides . Lucius kept to himself that Draco probably chose whichever side of the war best complemented his wardrobe every morning. Draco had gathered information on who was respected, looked up to for guidance, looked to for information, or financially worth stealing from on both sides of the war without out right declaring a loyalty to either side to any living thing.

Lucius just knew the hell spawn probably had a master list of all the requirements an individual had to meet to escape his wrath. He would also bet fifty thousand galleons that half of those where financial, fashion, and aesthetic requirements.

After graduation when the papers stopped printing about the scandal caused by the Minister's sexual exploits society in general began to realize that someone was airing dirty secrets of the most prominent war individuals and their families and blaming the lies on whatever family most opposed theirs on the opposite side of the war.

Lucius could tell by the wording and sheer viciousness that Draco had a conveniently placed mole network in all the major wizarding newspapers in the world.

Lucius conveniently got himself thrown in Azkaban for a short while as his son ruined the best and brightest of society worldwide. When he was pardoned for committing crimes under the imperious curse and everything that came with the Malfoy name plus some was returned to him he knew he had made the right decision by sticking with the dementors and nut jobs for the past few months.

Lucius also knew some poor fool that had broken a requirement for escaping Draco's wrath had gotten his nice five by five room.

When Draco was twenty he finally announced his future loyalties for the first time. Rather the situation was forced on him by two demanding psychopaths. Voldemort wanted another loyal brainless minion and Dumbledore wanted his Slytherin figurehead. Voldemort, however much to Lucius's dismay was the first to force Draco to decide.

A ceremony to induct every one of Draco's classmates was arranged with a full death eater turn out to the party. The other death eaters had boasted and proudly watched as their children appeared and only screamed minimally as they prostrated themselves and pledged their ever loving allegiance to Voldemort.

Lucius knew he was going to pay for Draco getting him released from Azkaban with a full pardon the second Draco strolled in dressed in his best with no death eater mask to be seen and bow to me smile on his face.

The dark lord had been beyond pissed when Draco had not dropped to his knees and tried to kiss the hem of his robes. When asked why he dare not obey, Draco had informed the dark lord that if he had any chance at becoming a high ranking official at the Ministry he needed to not have a dark mark on his right arm to ruin his chances at earning the trust of the moronic masses. Lucius was most surprised that his son had done something semi-publicly without ruining everything with his excessively huge vocabulary as the dark lord appeared to contemplate what an asset someone trusted by the masses could be. Lucius was even more surprised when it appeared that the dark lord would agree with his son and let Draco off with some mild cursing.

Lucius just knew the death eaters within a ten foot radius had heard him whimper when Draco had continued to outline the reasons he couldn't take the dark mark. Lucius's accident started with how the dark mark would clash particularly bad with the upcoming summer season apparel from his favored designer and what an injustice it would be upon the world if he was not able to show his perfection to the world because of an unsightly blemish such as a tattoo that was awkwardly placed.

Draco was just rounding up his speech about how Voldemort had to have the least aesthetic appeal of any dark lord Draco had ever seen in the history books and several questions about if the dark lord was even capable of sexual intercourse along with some recommendations of certain beauty potions accompanied by the grandiose snobbery Draco had perfected years ago Voldemort and the death eaters came out of their shock as the terror of Lucius' life gave his farewells to several of his old classmates and told them to keep watch of the newspapers because there had been awful lies published lately. Draco closed the door behind his exit blocking the dozen or so killing and various pain curses shot his way.

As chaos broke out, Lucius made his way to the dark lord to prostrate himself and plead for forgiveness for ever bringing such a monster into the world.

Several weeks later as he still laid about on bed rest for injuries, Lucius read the headlines of the Daily Prophet he desperately wished that Draco had been born a girl because then he wouldn't have been so embarrassed that Draco Malfoy the new political advisor to the current Minister of Magic had declared the dark mark an unfashionable accessory and claimed he could not join the dark lord because of this fact and that he had proof death eaters were largely a group of flaming homosexuals that feasted on the flesh of their victims figuratively and literally.

Lucius sometimes wondered where Draco possibly found such realistic pictures of the people he hated that week doing fantastical things.

Lucius also hated himself when Draco told the world he could not join Dumbledore's side in the war because he had proof that the man was senile and joined his brother in a great liking for goats. Draco's personal monologue about the atrocities of the Dumbledore families wardrobe through the last century made Lucius want to smite him down. However, he couldn't help but smile freakishly at the thought that Draco had managed to bring down the greatest Dumbledore to ever live and then take a six week retreat to find himself as he left Hogwarts hierarchy and most of the 'light side' in shambles.


	3. To Make Himself the Ruler

-1Lucius eventually decided to let the evilness of the three fates do as he pleased upon the world and took a back seat to life.

His son had been the cause of the end of the war and the replacement of every high ministry official except himself. According to the extremely long winded and fantastical write up in the Daily Prophet of an interview with Draco Malfoy, Draco had run into a certain Harry Potter while searching for a particular color of silk in China. Potter had been looking for several magical stones to use in some obscure magical ritual against Voldemort and happened upon Draco rather abruptly.

According to Draco, the incident had involved the dropping of recently purchased, now ruined indigo silk that highlighted his eyes just perfectly and also a small bit of groping. There the events seemed to have continuously headed down hill into the vast vat of the certain brand of intelligent stupidity that only the hell spawn seemed capable of.

Draco had recently discovered muggle spy/robber clothing and really wanted to make the suit and any equipment in soft leather. He then decided Potter would be a very good mannequin since from the groping he had acquired knowledge of a decent enough body (though it would never compare on a level to the heavenly physique of the Draco Malfoy) and it was common knowledge that Potter could use a good outfit to sneak up on a certain psychopathic freak shoe and rid the world of his atrocious fashion sense. White Clown-like mask had never been 'in' and never would be and black, ill fitted robes were so last decade.

Apparently, Potter had not had the mental fortitude to stand up to the brat from the darkest pits of Hades. Lucius, however, could find no fault in this fact because there had been none yet to stand up to the likes, even he himself had failed something terribly.

The two had taken off together in their genuine soft leather assemble that allowed for a superb range of movement and enough concealed storage that Draco was able to carry even the most bulkiest objects on his person without the objects being detected. Potter, who was trained in subterfuge, had no problem making his way to Voldemort's suite in the dungeon. Partial credit was awarded to Draco since he was the one who strode in the front door and having his presence announced by a house elf into ever room in the manor. The distraction made by his twenty minute speech on the atrocities of living in such distasteful environment.

All the deatheaters had made their way into the foyer to try and rid the world of the presence that had risen up from the blackest depths of the world and therefore, when Potter had entered the outside entrance to the cellar, no one was around to guard the Dark Lord's slumbering form. All very anti-climatic really. Potter had had the time to set up his magical stones and perform the arcane magic ritual that separated Voldemort's soul into a few more pieces, and then a few more and so on until there was nothing left and with a pop the soul vanished.

Draco had used a portkey as soon as the first spell was fired his way. His excuse when asked if he had run because he knew he wouldn't be able to handle such a battle was that crucio left unsightly wrinkles and caused twitching in the limbs if held under for three minutes. Avada Kedavra left the dead body with a gruesome look on the face (of course his face would be serene with beauty in death even if he died from the killing curse), but he would rather live and let his beauty become more attractive and daunting to the common mortal.

Potter, on a magical high from his arcane magical ritual, had decimated the deatheaters. When brought up on charges for murder, several accounts of attempted murder, destruction of wizarding property, the use of the dark arts, and arson Draco had testified in his favor about all the unfavorable events that he had been forced to be a witness and victim of in the past. After several hours of the hardships endured under the presence of the Dark Lord and the Deatheaters was expounded into the jury, Potter was let off on the case of defense of the defenseless or some such rot that had been made up to comply with the hell born fiend.

Involving the replacement of all high Ministry of Magic officials except for the hell spawn, Draco had found very convincing pictures of several in cohorts with deatheaters, several pictures of ones he liked even less in various positions of sodomy, and to the ones with all the fashion sense of a badly dressed wizard posing as a muggle Draco had done something unknown causing them all the beg to be fired. Draco had gladly taken the jog of firing them in his temporary job as the Minister of Magic. Satan's spawn was now hiring new employees. While the Ministry appeared to being doing better than ever and the affects of new management could clearly be seen by the public, Lucius had no doubt than every potential employee got a once over by Draco before being allowed to even attempt the interview.

Several weeks later, cooped up in his mansion with no one within at least four hundred square miles of him, Lucius received exactly twenty-six owls just as he did every Tuesday. As a recent self-proclaimed hermit, Lucius was immune to the world that he knew was spiraling down and would soon become a funnel through which the world would drain into Hell. He still spat out his morning nutritional drink that inspired a good pale sheen to his skin (created by a Malfoy several hundred years ago and still only bought religiously by Malfoys) when he got the latest news of his unfortunately hell spawned son.

Draco had stepped down from the Ministry by appointing Blaise Zabini and Terry Boot to the co-position of co-Ministers of Magic. Blaise had just the right skin and hair tone to match the upcoming winter clothing line and Terry the summer line that Draco was creating. This fact was presented much earlier in the article than the outstanding credentials of both men. Blaise and Terry brought together a understanding of pure blood views on magic and non-pure blood views on magic without being fanatical with either view. Harmony was beginning to come between both sides and there had not been an all out battle in months.

Draco has decided to open a clothing store in Wizarding Spain. He was already making a fortune by selling leather muggle spy suits to the fans of the boy-who-lived, but the fiend had told the public that no money in the world could sate his need for fashion and his need to help others who in ignorance purchased clothes that were made in mass so that someone else could have on the same exact clothing. Lucius knew it was partially a lie, Draco liked money and probably had his newly built castle tiled in galleons.

Even more surprising was that he had managed to make Harry Potter his own personal model. Lucius figured that the demon had some form of blackmail, true or constructed, against Potter and now was using the blackmail to gain a slave. Although in the picture of the two, Potter really did not seem to mind. Lucius imagined he lived in the lap of luxury since the hell spawn would have decided that a slave of his was beyond that of a common wizard.

The nice silk robes and the jewelry made of highly magical stone still made him sigh in dismay even though he thought he was used to such occurrences. Only Draco used beauty products as weapons and then accessorized with his weapons.


End file.
